I've had some very enlighting discussions with my friends and family about life as an athlete and I thank you for that. I've also faced confrontations by some people about my choice, but that's just opinions from people that don't know the real me. Everyone though, have their own opinion and are right to stand behind them. It isn't always easy to tell people that what I'm doing and why, because to large majority this may not make any sense or sounds like loads of bull.
As it is apparent in this blog; in my life the thing is sport, and then sport and probably sport. It might sound obsessive or selfish, but it really is not. It has been the love of my life since I was like two feet tall kid and it is the real me. These things I'm about to write – I've learned slowly during the years and the main difference is from for example the skiing years, is that when I was younger I thought that I understand what sport means and is to me – but now I know that I understand.
Yes, I dream of becoming a hero in my sport, which through years has changed from basketball to alpineskiing and from floorball to now cycling. But becoming an absolute hero though, is not the absolute. Nor is winning medals or beating opponents. Still, don't get me wrong. I would lie saying that I don't want to win medals or be the best, because I want. I dream of winning medals and dreams keep one awake and alive. But ultimately I'm after my very own pure and perfect performance, the moment when I give my all and reach my best performance ever. The thing is that it may be so that the day I reach my optimum, my perfect ride in a world championship race or whatever it may be – I may not win or even medal, because there may always be someone faster. Whether, it brings me the rainbow stripes or medals – it just isn't all up to me. But by making my best performance ever is all up to me and it can bring the glory. I train, I prepare, I just try to let all the trash in my head go and concentrate on the moment, on the performance, there and then.
Still, the lifestyle I've opted for ain't an easy one. I've had to let go on certain things and it is not easy to tell friends time after time that I ain't coming out, because I'm training. Some people understand it and some don't, which not in my control. It has distraced friendships and personal relations, it bothers me but I can't say that I regret it. At the end of the day, there is only one cycling career for me and it is now, only now.
I train and compete to live my dreams. My childhood dreams are there to be achieved. The dream is to be an exceptional athlete and happy, maybe even to ultimately win medals. I don't want to feel after my career, that I left something undone or I didn't go all the way – that would be bothering and I wouldn't be happy.
That is why I do, what I do. And most importantly, what I do – makes me happy and is what I love the most.
'A warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does'
And how I'm gonna achieve what I'm after? That is another story, more about that later on.
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